On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
