we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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