my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
