I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
3 2 1 whiskey
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
