4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I need a beard to bite.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
