Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
