You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
