I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
