is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
