My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Randomize
