When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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