My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
