I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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