btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
