Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
