The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
