I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize