So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
