Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
