Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
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