you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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