She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
