Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
please come you make the beer taste better
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
