The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
