I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
