Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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