I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
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