don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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