true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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