Moan for me like Helen Keller
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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