Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
