Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
