I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
i believe in u and ur pee
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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