I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
