I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
