Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
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