Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
third nipple confirmed
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
