so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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