I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
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You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
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After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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