I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
