the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I supernannyed him into submission
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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