You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.