i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
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I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
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The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force