"it" just moved
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
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I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
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I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel