pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.