i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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