youre lurking in front of me
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
