Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Duck Duck Cougar?
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
