at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
