i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
