I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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