I just gift wrapped bread.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
