woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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