Why does Corona taste like a burp?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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