You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
either way he was missing a nipple.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
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She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
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I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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