dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
