I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
