so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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