The maid of honor just puked.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
