Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
