when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
