whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
