My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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