no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Let's get the cat blown out
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
