Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
