so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
