I bet he comes in French.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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