Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I think my fart just growled at me.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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