I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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