Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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