im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
