I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
