he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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