You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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