you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
