just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
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Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
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He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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