He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
